my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
