I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
