I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
