I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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