the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love accidental penises.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
