he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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