the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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