I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize