hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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