Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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