What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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