girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
