and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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