dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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