I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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