why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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