Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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