The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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