So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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