I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
