I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
