there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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