Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we're making bets on your personal life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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