Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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