non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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