Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
