Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
