i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
