i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
