Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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