OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
