You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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