Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
