She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
