totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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