Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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