Need sex. Gaining weight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
