saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
