Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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