My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
