my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
