I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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