So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
