Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
