...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
