I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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