Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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