If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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