He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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