I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
why is half of my head shaved?
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