Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
