I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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