I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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