I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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