its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
