Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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