Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
