and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
