Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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