oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
