My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
