If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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