$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
