when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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