i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Damn victory sex feels great
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
