Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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