i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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