y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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