Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He felt like a one man threesome
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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