$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
