I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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