I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
