can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
