I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
